Inside Story March 2018

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The guiding light

Sometimes we feel we have no real sense of direction, aimlessly moving from one day to another. At 50+ this is a little scary. I think our distraction is due to the number of roles we play and our tendency to please others. Much of a woman's day is spent responding to requests, from children, friends, family... Our world is full of spoken and unspoken expectations that we try to live up to; as a parent, as a person, as a friend.

I believe we must remove ourselves from the voices that barrage us in order to find our true compass. This might include time alone maybe taking off for a walk just to listen and the still small voice within us can be the guiding light of our lives. In our hectic noisy world, we have to slow down or withdraw to hear it. Some resort to prayer which I have discovered contrary to what most people believe, is less about what one says but more about what one hears. Time set apart with God can be like a hike to a peak from the middle of a dense forest and can give one perspective and the ability to see where they've been and where they're going. Discerning God's voice is not so hard when we make time to listen closely. I may hear it as a sudden insight when I step back from a situation. Other times it's a deep sense of my priorities or a conviction about something I should do or say.

Often I keep a notepad handy and scribble thoughts in it, maybe to convey positivity for a friend going through a rough time. And they get back after reading those jottings that they were immensely moved by them. I then wonder where my prompting came from...

My pursuit is not about religion as much as it is about relationships. It's about internalizing the spiritual truth in my heart as well as head, an understanding so deep and intimate that it affects not only my thinking but my behavior as well. I get prompted to talk to a friend I haven't heard from in a while or at times feel compelled to reach out to strangers who soon become my friends. I feel more at peace when I tune out the voices of the world long enough to hear the voice of my conscience direct me.

If one is religious, one should try to be the caretaker of the garden we’ve been given. If one is purely scientific then one should try to nurture the narrow envelope of life we’re born in, called planet earth. Anything else is pure evil! In essence man is his own worst nightmare headed down a one way street to nowhere only leading to a path of self destruction with no hope in sight. Man is an insane species. They judge others based on what they believe when they’re all in it together. And then charge each other to use something they’re all destroying.

What people believe to be God is something in all of us, energy chi or prana or consciousness. Everything in reality is energy vibrating in different frequencies and it is indeed conscious. It’s a unified field and everything is one. If we destroy nature we destroy the very thing we are inextricably linked to. Religion was created to control man. Spirituality is man’s relationship with the divine, religion is just crowd control. Strangely I feel reverence for a tree that grows in a forest with its family or stands alone, metaphorically as a lonely person not a hermit who lives in the forest or mountains, as an escape from the drudgery of familial responsibility out of weakness but like great solitary men living in their own world in their heads, creating magnificent art and music. In the highest branches, the world rustles while their roots rest in infinity but they do not lose themselves there. They struggle with all their force to fulfill themselves according to their own laws, to build up their own form. That beautiful strong tree is what I want to emulate and create a life for myself that feels good inside not just one that looks good on the outside. A tree that hides a spark in its kernel. Everything about it unique; the form, the scars on its’ bark, every little vein on its’ leaves.. when the tree is chopped down, one can read its whole history in the disk of its trunk, the sickness, the happiness, the storms endured, the struggle, the suffering.. It says to just be, life is not easy but be still and once you learn to listen to the trees, you learn to bend and sway with the wind and life happily falls in place soon.